Say it ain't so

This article talks about a sports gambling ring that involves Rick Tocchet and other well-known sporting individuals. It may also include Janet Jones, Wayne Gretzky's wife.

I am not a Doomsday guy, I don't think. But seriously, if Wayne Gretzky or his family go to jail....we might as well summon the volcanos and thunderstorms right now. The life I thought I knew would be over.

Come on, 99! It can't be! You're THE GREAT ONE!

Points

As I have previously mentioned, I was thinking about attempting to complete the requirements of an aerobic excellence award. This means I would need to earn 2000 "points" for various aerobic activities in under two years. I have since confirmed this desire, and I am all registered and have begun. In true Matt style, I have made an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of the numbers. So far, in 3.5 weeks, I have accumulated 98 points. This means I should have plenty of time to finish this self-competition.

However, motivation is a funny thing. Sometimes it is there, and then BAM, it's gone. So what I propose to you is that you, too, try this out. All the point values are in the previous post. It isn't very much work to keep track. And that way, we could have some motivation together. You don't win a signed paper certificate at the end, but really, is that the goal anyway? If you really want one, I will make a photocopy. So, what do you say, hmm? Hmmm?

Crossing borders

This story from the Globe and Mail details the plight of the Canadian Border Officials who have so bravely dedicated their lives to protecting our border from illegal aliens entering from the south. And how they will only do it if it involves pulling apart suitcases to find illegal quantities of cigarettes or alcohol, or checking passports and waving people right on through. It has been the second time in a few weeks that the union workers have heard about a possibly armed suspect of a crime in the US who may have been heading for the Canadian border, and they again abandoned their posts. The border was instead manned by management.

These actions have brought light to the fact that the border officials have no weapons. They are asking for pistols, and the Conservatives have pledged to supply them with weapons and training. They have been asking to be armed for years.

Make no mistake about this, they are perfectly within their rights to leave work if they feel unsafe. The same is true, as far as I know, for every working person in Canada excluding the military. Yes, that includes police officers and firefighters. When a firefighter arrives at your building, which is burning and near to collapse, and you are screaming from a 3rd-storey window for help, he is under absolutely no legal obligation to put any danger upon himself to save you. And when a criminal has his arm wrapped around your neck, waving a shotgun around and yelling, the police are under no legal obligation whatsoever to stick around, risking themselves to try to help you.

But what do you think they would do?

Maybe all the border officials need is a weapon and they will feel that their lives are no longer in danger. But what danger are they in if, as in previous cases, they let the guys who are threatening them go right on through? I would dare say that that would cause less problems than a border official trying to stop them. What happens now is that they are allowed right on through the border, and the police are called in to nab the bad guys.

So would armed border officials create a safer Canada? Perhaps, since theoretically these armed bandits would be apprehended at the borde rather than later. Would it be safer for the border officials? I think not.

So are they running away from their posts because they are worried about their safety, thinking they would be safer if equipped with weapons, or simply to draw attention to their situation (à la 5 year-old making a scene in a grocery store so his parents will buy him his Sugar Pops)?

I don't know. According to my highly-biased opinion, I think they should stay.

Slippery places

Well, no luck on the 24 marathon this weekend. Maybe in another couple of weeks (next weekend is SuperBowl, of course). But what I did do this weekend, for the first time in way too long, was play some hockey on an outdoor arena.

I can say a lot of bad things about Winnipeg, but one thing I certainly cannot put them down for is the quality (or quantity) of their outdoor rinks. They are all well-lit. There are warm changing areas with concession stands. They use real Zambonis, and there are lines under the ice. Ridiculous.

As I stepped on the ice, I feinged inability to skate. You know, knees touching with ankles three feet apart, half the body weight on the stick, toes scraping over the ice when moving forward. The other guy I went with played a fairly high level of competitive hockey years ago, and he is currently coaching a Junior team, so he definitely had some wide eyes when he saw me. He figured it out soon enough.

After an enjoyable hour and a half of skating, passing, shooting, and getting thoroughly beaten in one-on-ones, I had to ask myself, "Why haven't I gone back to hockey?" I know I stopped in the first place for a few good reasons, including wanting to play other sports at school. But I really enjoy it, and I have started to get the basics of equipment back. I have a $5 stick, skates that are worth about $15 now, and $140 gloves. Yes, you're right, the most expensive probably isn't the most important piece of equipment. But I think I will try to accumulate the rest of the required equipment and get into a league - maybe in summer, maybe next winter. If I play here on the base I think I can even borrow everything other than skates and a stick. I'm getting sick of just running. Hockey it is. But I definitely will have to get my own cup - don't want to be borrowing that.

And why not? It looks like a good safe sport that won't endanger my career...

A departure

I would like to wish good luck to all those Canadians who are currently in or making their way over to Afghanistan, bringing our contribution of soldiers to over 2000. Your service is appreciated by the folks here in Canada, and I'm sure it is especially appreciated by those you are helping. You are the best ambassadors of this country. To my friends who are going - see you when you get back.

"It is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes up short again and again; who knows the great enthusiams, the great devotion and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at worst if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
--Theodore Roosevelt, 1910

I did a marathon

That's right folks. I finished a marathon. In just over 33 hours.

Huh?

Ok, I didn't run at all. In fact, I sat my butt on the couch and watched the entire season one of the show 24. The only breaks were to pick up some pizza for dinner, to sleep, to pick up lunch the next day, and to go over to a friend's house for dinner. If we hadn't gone for that dinner (there were four of us watching) we would have finished in under 30 hours. Not too shabby.

So anything that can inspire people to remain on a couch for that duration of time must be pretty damn good, right? Right. This has got to be the best show on TV. I am certainly no expert, of course, because I don't really watch much TV. But everyone I have met who has watched the show likes it. I think it is because everyone can relate to it in their own personal lives. You know, your family being taken captive by terrorists, at least one or two deaths per episode, and even "accidentally" knocking people unconscious when you are supposed to be interrogating them. Computer systems that probably costs billions of dollars and can track a man's movement anywhere in the world. Hot chicks working for the government. Ok, it is all a fantasy. But it is an extremely entertaining one. I kept on calling it a movie. In fact, despite the lack of the big screen, I think there is a lot more potential in a show like this one due to the time available for character and plot development. It works.

I have to tell you, the only reason I watched an episode of 24 in the first place was because other guys were having a marathon. I figured that anything worth watching (or attempting to watch) for 18 straight hours has got to be good. And it was.

So there is really no point to this post other than to tell you that you should watch 24. You might even learn some top secret clandestine ops stuff. That's what I am in it for.

Next weekend...season 2. Not kidding.

Oh yeah...and Elisha Cuthbert is in it. If you needed another reason to watch.

Do it

Because Mariah says so:

Snow

This evening, it was snowing here. This is not all that surprising, since it has been snowing on and off for days. But this evening, when it was dark and I was walking back from the gym, there was no wind. The snow was falling really slowly, and it was those really really big snowflakes - the kind that scatter on the ground when you stomp your foot down hard. It was very calm. It was the kind of weather that happens on Christmas morning in books and movies. It was one of the first time where I really noticed the weather in Winnipeg, and it was all good.

That's all. Just the snow. It made my day.

We're all going down

Global warming is real. The atmosphere is heating up and our ice caps are melting and we're probably all going to be living on the islands of the Rocky Mountains in a few years. I know this. I know this because I live in Winnipeg.

Last year, the daytime high was around -30 C at this time. Of course, there was a nice cold wind so we all felt like it was -40 C. In the spring, due to too much runoff, and continuing into the summer and fall thanks to too much rain, the farmers here had terrible harvests. A large number of fields didn't produce anything at all, since they had several centimeters of water sitting on top of them. The ditches along the highway were full.

That was last year. This year, it...it what? It was RAINING this week? That's right, it was raining. And then it got colder and the rain turned to freezing rain. After that, we had a blizzard, but I am hearing that there is not enough moisture around and there could be near-drought conditions this year if it keeps up.

So why do I care? I care because yesterday, for the first time, global warming REALLY affected me. The locks on my truck doors were frozen in place. Crap.

Having very limited resources, I was forced to call CAA to help me out. I have never called them for assistance before (I should have done so one time, but I called Joel instead), so I didn't know what they were going to do. What I THOUGHT would happen is the guy would step out of his gargantuan Ford F-450 SuperHeavyDutyMonster Truck with a teeny tiny little bottle of lock de-icer, give 'er a squirt, and I would be on my way. What ACTUALLY happened is the hero stepped out of his supertruck with a toolkit full of variously shaped wires and bars, specifically designed for breaking into vehicles like mine. So instead of the bottle, I got some kid shoving a wedge into my window to hold it away from the door frame, putting the wire down the space, and holding a maglite in his mouth trying to direct toward the inside lock to see if it was moving.

Well, I must admit, I had not personally used lock de-icer before. Maybe it doesn't work at this temperature. Or maybe it takes a while. In any case, this guy is a professional, right?

No.

After trying for a couple minutes, he blames it on the fact that he cannot see the door lock inside the truck (because the window has a thick layer of ice on it from the freezing rain) so he gives me his mouth-light and gets me to go to the other side so I can see it. "Nope, it's not moving."

"Oh crap," he says, "I'm using the wrong tool." So he goes and gets one with a few more bends in it, and gets back to work, mouthlight and wedge and tool in hand, trying to catch the latch in the door. Another 2 minutes. No luck. "Oh crap," he says again, "I'm used to trying on the other side." So we go to the other side, jam that wedge in there again, and he starts jamming the tool around in the door. Several minutes later, he pulls the tool up, gives it a quizzical look, and exclaims, "This isn't the right tool." So he goes and grabs one that looks mysteriously like the one he had been using before. Ok, whatever, he tries again. No luck. He gets me to hold his light from the other side again. No luck. He asks me what year my truck is, so I tell him it is a '96. He checks his trusty toolbag, pulling out tool #2 again. "If it was one year later," he explains, "it would have been the other tool." I don't care. Let me in.

He tries it again. One way. And then the other way. On the other door again. He clears off the snow from the windshield so he can see inside for the latch. No movement. Back to the other side. No luck. Back to the truck again for his toolbad. Are you KIDDING ME?

After several more minutes without success, he pulls out the wedge (I think he had bent the door panel enough by this point that he didn't need it anymore). Several more tries and there is a satisfying click as the latch moves. He tries the handle, and my very frozen truck door creaks open. Finally. Maybe a half-hour or so later. Serves me right for not wearing gloves.

So, I wonder, why would a CAA guy not have lock de-icer? Must not work all that well. In any case, I had to go to the grocery store, so after 20 more minutes of trying to scrape off the ice (and eventually settling for a small hole in the side window so I could see the mirror) I was on my way. Of course, I had to leave the doors unlocked at the store. I picked up some lock de-icer for 99 cents. How well would it work? I didn't know. After piling the groceries in my truck, I gave it a try.

Approximately 2 seconds later, my key was functional again.

Damn heros.

New Horizons, Same Themes

Yesterday I was checking some stuff for work on the internet, and I came across something that I thought was quite interesting. Apparently, there is an award for aerobic excellence that I can earn. Hey, no problem, right? I'm in decent shape, I could get that. What do I have to do? Earn 2000 points in under two years? Whoa, this is starting to sound a bit much - two years of anything is a lot. So, what earns me a point? Why should I write this all day when it is already on the internet. Copy...paste...

QUALIFYING UNITS

2. Qualifying units may be earned as follows:

ACTIVITY	PERFORMANCE	VALUE
a) Swimming	400 meters	1 Unit
b) Jogging	1 kilometer	1 Unit
c) Snow-shoeing	1.5 kilometers	1 Unit
d) X-Country skiing	1.5 kilometers	1 Unit
e) Skating/Ice & Roller	1.5 kilometers	1 Unit
f) Walking	3 kilometers	1 Unit
g) Aerobic classes	10 minutes	1 Unit
h) Cycling & Stationary Cycling	3 kilometers or 7 mins	1 Unit
i) Rowing (canoe / kayaking)	500 meters or 7 mins	1 Unit
j) Stationary rowing	500 meters or 7 mins	1 Unit
k) Stair Climbing	7 mins	1 Unit
l) Rope skipping	7 mins	1 Unit
m) Martial Arts ( karate, judo, tae kwon do, etc..)	10 mins	1 Unit

WHOA. So you mean I would have to run TWO THOUSAND KILOMETRES in order to earn this award?? Wow. That doesn't sound very easy at all. And that is for the initial level of the award. You are supposed to go for six years. Check this out:

The primary level of the program involves the completion of the initial scroll and six seals. This signifies that 12,000 units of physical activity have been accumulated.

That sounds like craziness. But apparently that isn't enough for some people:

For members who require a higher and continuing challenge, six additional levels can be achieved. Completion of all seven levels will signify the accumulation of 84,000 aerobic units.

Are you KIDDING me? That is a lot of kilometres. I hope I don't move 84000 km under my own power in my whole life. I don't even know how far that is. That's far. Farther than I have driven my truck in the 4 years I have owned it. Really far.

So the question becomes...should I try for the first level? 2000 points in 104 weeks breaks down to over 19 points per week. Since I tend to get lazy at some times in the year (i.e. summer and Christmas vacation) I would definitely have to get more than 19 per week. I ran 5km today, I suppose that is a start. I do biking on Tuesdays, and I am going to try to get back to kickboxing on Thursdays. That makes 13. I warm up before my resistance training 5 days per week, that makes 18. Maybe I could make my warmup 2km instead of 1. Or maybe I could measure how far it is to Subway, I walk there fairly often. I wonder if I can stay motivated for two long years...

Where you live

If any of you lives on the planet "Earth," you should read this article from the Globe and Mail. This is especially true if you live in Canada, which I assume all of you do. Yes, I realize that it is not a brand new article, but it is good to read nonetheless. Here is the introduction to get you warmed up:

The impacts of climate change are becoming increasingly visible worldwide, but in few countries more so than in Canada, where rising temperatures are rapidly thawing our arctic north. It’s a grave matter not only for Canadians, but the entire world.

As Canada’s frozen tundra, bogs and boreal forests thaw, they are expected to release massive stores of carbon, accelerating the greenhouse effect linked to a recent rise in violent storms, floods, drought, surging insect infestations and other costly environmental impacts.

What are nations worldwide planning to do to combat climate change? The answer to that question will be largely determined next week in Montreal, when Canada hosts the United Nations Climate Change Conference, the largest gathering on climate policy issues since Kyoto. With the beginning of the first Kyoto period only three years away, the UNCCC comes at a critical stage of international negotiations that will shape our carbon reduced world post 2012.

And what did we get out of the UNCCC? Well, a whole bunch of legal gobblygook, the implementation of parts of the Kyoto Accord, and a whole bunch of photo opportunities with big fake smiles and handshakes and politicking between the parties on the campaign trail in Canada. The actual results are available to view here. Out of all of those things, hopefully the legal gobblygook takes us the farthest toward creating a sustainable world economy. And if not, I hope you at least read the article. Maybe it can convince you to try to walk to the store instead of driving, or to buy more environmentally friendly products, or maybe just to turn off all the damn lights when you leave a room. I know I can't compare to what an industry or a government could accomplish, but I am going to do what I can. And since my future job will involve driving holes through the sky with exhaust plumes, I think I had better be trying pretty hard.

Non-partisan politics

For anyone following the federal election campaigns, you undoubtably hear a new poll every second day about how each party is faring. And I'm sure you have the same feelings about the accuracy of these polls as I do. Considering their accuracy (read: inaccuracy) the last time around, one could be forgiven for pessimism. But, according to a recent article I read (and whose link I no longer have), investors are actually more accurate when it comes to picking a winner at election time than are polls. Might have something to do with the fact that it is one's own money at stake.

So, with this is mind, what you should do is check out this website run by some professors at UBC. Click on the "Federal Election 2006" on the left side and check out the results. You can even buy some shares if you are so inclined. If not, check out the price to buy shares in each party, and the resulting graphs depicting the predicted outcome of the election. And if you are among the millions of Canadians who don't give one single solitary F about a federal election, then...I can't help you today. Sorry.

Uncomfortable Goodbye

Today I am going to talk about my friend, Glenn Styles. I worked with him at my former job for several years. He really seemed to enjoy the job, and he could do it well, too. I remember one time where his quick decision in driving avoided an accident that would certainly have resulted in serious injuries. But mostly, Glenn liked to party. Luckily, he could do this wherever he went because he just made the party himself. He would dance, usually to music (though it was never necessary), and it could be by himself or with anyone who would go with him. Whether making his own party or out in the cold for several days in freezing weather, he could always be counted on to have a smile and a joke. I don't know that I have ever seen him in a foul mood, but if he was he certainly didn't pass it on to other people. For several months he had been preparing to go to Afghanistan with the Army in January. He was on vacation in the Bahamas before departing when, on Christmas Day, he was killed in a traffic accident. He was 24 years old.


Last Friday, he was remembered and buried in a military funeral in his hometown of Red Deer. The church was filled with family and friends from both within and outside of the army. Led first by the Regimental Chaplain, his body was brought forward in the flag-draped casket by eight stoic-looking army pallbearers. Glenn had too many friends to have a single person read out a eulogy for him, so first his Uncle Dan recounted the memories of Glenn's childhood years. His family and old friends, familiar with the stories, were visibly moved by this. A woman behind me quietly told her friend her own story, between dabbing her eyes and sniffling.

Next came his friends Dustin and Courtenay, who told the congregation about Glenn's more recent years. We heard stories about about him, from nights of drinking to jumping out of a moving car to help an elderly lady cross the road. They told stories mostly known by his close friends from school and elsewhere, and I know they remembered by their reactions - from laughter to quiet sobs.

Finally came the remembrances of his friends from the army, read by Rachel and Lauren. This one hit closest to home for most of the people there, and their stories were obviously felt by everyone seated there. They remembered that Glenn would never say goodbye, as friends would sometimes come to his house to discover that he had gone out of town for a course or when he served in Bosnia. And he would always come back. But Glenn, you didn't come back this time.

Seven elderly members of the Royal Canadian Legion, those who had served Canada in the past, lined up in front of the casket. The first read out the poem:

They shall not grow old as we who are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
WE WILL REMEMBER THEM.

Old, crooked backs were straightened as they approached the casket in turn, removing the poppy from their lapel and placing it on the wreath on the casket. Each then took a step back, gave him a salute, saying to him, "Farewell, my comrade." These men were followed by three members of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, dressed in Red Serge. The final Moutie had been a good friend, and could barely hold his voice as he bid farewell.

After taking up the casket again, the pallbearers moved back up the aisle toward the exit. No longer did they seem to be stoic soldiers, but they were his friends as they cryed for their burden.

A long procession followed Glenn to his final resting place. This would be The Field of Honour in the cemetery, reserved for those who have served their country. As the hearse is opened, his body receives a Present Arms from the Honour Guard. There is no noise except the cold wind whipping the trees and the hands of the Honour Guard slapping thier rifles in unison. The soldiers of his Escort stand rigidly at attention and all members present salute as he is carriedt from the hearse to his grave. The sound of the feet of the pallbearers crunches on the hard snow as they move across uneven ground. Their arms visibly strain to hold up their friend and their necks are bent forward, away from starched collars. As the casket is placed over the grave in front of his tightly-huddled family, all members remove their headdress in a mark of respect.

The bugler plays The Last Post as people bow their head and remember. It is so cold and dark for the daytime, and now so quiet. Now I can only hear people's feet crunching on the snow in an attempt to stay warm. The wind is cold and goes right to my skin. Why is his tribute so different from his life? Why is the day so cold? Glenn was always so happy, could always warm up a room with his enthusiasm and energy.

As the piper starts his lament, the white-gloved hands of the pallbearers move crisply over the Canadian Flag, folding it sharply over the casket. Once it is folded, one of them carries it to Glenn's Commanding Officer. The CO carries the flag to Glenn's mother, and she embraces him as she takes the flag. The strong bodies of soldiers preparing for war are again weakened by their departed friend as they cry for him again.

The officers each salute the body, and pin their poppy on the casket. Everyone files past the casket before departing, leaving their poppy on the casket. The cold wind blows the poppies away. That is ok, you weren't all about ceremony anyway, were you Glenn?

You left too soon, buddy. And you left more friends than you could have known.

Someone's life is too exciting

Since my blog is boring lately (read: not updated), you should go read this dude's blog. Well, this story, anyway. If it doesn't look interesting, check out the pictures close to the bottom where it shows a guy getting shot several times and shooting back, and then another guy running out of ammo so instead tackling his enemy before dragging his ass out of the building. Craziness.

After the season of spending

I could barely believe it when I heard that the average Canadian would spend about $900 this holiday season on gifts. But then I spent almost that much, so now I believe it. With all that money now gone, people are probably tightening up the purse strings now and looking to conserve and save in the coming months, right? Well, not if you're from Alberta. Because hey, who needs to save when you have oil?

This article from the Globe and Mail is about the $400 rebate that will be given to Albertans early this coming year. I think that a person's response to this will provide a good example as to their priorities - seeing if they can put their money where their mouth is, basically. It does not surprise me at all that many people are just planning to spend it on toys and clothes - the evident priority there being "me." Some are planning on home improvement - I would say that goes to personal comfort, and some investment for the future. And even the President of the Young Liberals of Alberta, who is trying to convince others to donate a portion of their money to the party that opposes the handout, will be using his money on books for school. Of course, he was going to have to buy books regardless, so now he will just have $400 more with which he may buy more beer or buy a new camera for all we know.

I do believe the expression people are living by here is, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." While there are many who call this handout a bad idea, I am pretty confident that there are not very many who are going to refuse to cash the cheques when the time comes. I would probably put myself in this group of people. However, as was pointed out in the article, if you think that this money would be better spent on other projects, you now have free reign to make that happen. $400 probably won't go very far toward advancing solar or wind power in the province, it won't protect a very large area of wetlands, and it won't even buy a single day in the hospital for someone who is sick. However, this is a chance for you to put some money you weren't expecting toward something you believe in. You could make a donation to the Stollery Children's Health Centre. You could put your money toward your local SPCA, or sponsor a child through World Vision - that would be $396/year. Maybe you want to help support the Edmonton Firefighters Burn Treatment Society. Ducks Unlimited Canada aims to conserve Canada's dwindling wetlands while the World Wildlife Fund supports conservation on a broader scale. You can even sponsor a sea turtle, a polar bear, or some boreal forest on their website.

Obviously there are a million things that could use this money, not the least of which will appear to be a new TV or digital camera that you really "need." While I haven't decided yet where my money is going, I sure hope when the time comes I can put MY money where my mouth is. I will have to decide before the cheque arrives - that way, I will send the money off right away and I won't even miss it in my bank account. What are you doing with yours?

Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone. It is great to be back with family and friends. This reminds me of how many people who can't be with their family over the holidays, and perhaps you could think of them too.




TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE
MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY
WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO
IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES
OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.

WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,
AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT
CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER
ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,
SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR
IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,
THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT AT ALL HOW I
PICTURED A SOLDIER.

WAS THIS THE HERO
OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO,
THE FLOOR FOR A BED?

I REALIZED THE FAMILIES
THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS
WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE
A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM
EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,
LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

I COULDN'T HELP WONDER
HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE
IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

THE VERY THOUGHT
BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES
AND STARTED TO CRY.

THE SOLDIER AWAKENED
AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
"SANTA DON'T CRY,
THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD,
MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."

THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER
AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,
I CONTINUED TO WEEP.

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED
FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF FREEDOM
SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,
WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE
WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA,
IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."

ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH,
AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,
AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."

They're back

Just a little update here, if you were interested in the previous post. Order restored in Sydney, and obviously the police don't plan to be caught with their trousers around their ankles again.

An anti-racism rally is a nice idea. However, it seems that less than half as many people attended that rally as were involved in the riot on the first day. Too bad.

How I feel

I'm not a very emotional guy.

I know, I know, stop the presses. But sometimes, maybe once in a blue moon, there is some semblance of emotion eminating from inside me. This time, that emotion is anger. And there is a lot of it.


I can't believe this crap. If you have been living under a rock, perhaps you don't know that that picture is from Sydney, where a huge crowd of white guys decided they were the only ones who belong in the country (after a couple of lifeguards were attacked by youth of Arabic or Mediterranean background), and then the targeted groups struck back the next day. Read here and here, and check out more images here. I actually heard a guy on the news yelling at a camera, "This is our country, git the hell out!" Excuse me? It's your country? And why is that, exactly? Because you grew up in Australia? And what about your parents or grandparents, did they grow up in Australia? Oh, no, they were immigrants too? Well maybe someone should have told THEM to get the hell out because they were going to conceive racist offspring. If you are really keen to read about Australia's "White History" read here.

Now, if you want to be a racist, there is nothing that I, personally, can do about that. But if you want to go beat someone down because he or she doesn't belong in "your" country, then you deserve to be taken down by the police. And if you decide that your feelings are more important than the police, and that you are going to attack them too, as well as attacking the paramedics trying to give aid to the person you just beat up...oh man.

When I see people going after police officers (especially over injured and dead victims), I think of everytime someone told me, "We don't need them, the people will take care of each other," or, "I think we should just all get along, they don't need to carry guns or batons," or, "We live in a peaceful country, we don't need an army." And you know what I think about what you said to me? I think that you have your head up your ass. And if you think it doesn't matter in Canada, because hey, this violence is in Australia, perhaps you should try to find two countries that are more similar in their development in the world. I don't think you will find many.

Obviously the authorities had not been prepared for this violence when it broke out. Hence the images I saw of a police officer trying to run away from angry mobs, firing toward them with pepper spray, pulling with him a victim of the mob's anger. Do you know what I would like to see when this happens? As you may be able to guess, I'm not anarchist, and I believe in order, so what do you think I would like to see? Should we stand in front of them and say, "Hey, hey guys? Can we talk about this?" Or maybe we could send a text message to all of the rioters (apparently that is how messages are being spread quickly there) saying, "Come on, we live in a good country, let's not hurt each other!" No. Because there is a time for talking, and then there is a time for action. Yes, this riot could well be the result of a deeper problem, same with the riots in France. But this was a time for action. And I think that, ten minutes after we saw the first police officer being pelted by beer cans, we should have seen the same thing we saw on Whyte Ave in Edmonton a few years ago for the Canada Day riot. That is, van-loads of armour-clad and shield- and baton-bearing riot police, who ran into formation and then advanced in a line one step at a time, in a very organized fashion, clearing the roads and arresting by appropriate force anyone arrogant enough to try to be a hero by running at them.

An individual's security will never be enforced by a pledge that says, "Ok, everyone here has to be nice to everyone else." Sometimes, you just have to ensure that the good guys have the legal capacity as well as the physical ability to maintain a safe environment (while respecting the individual's rights). In the same way, a country will not be safe simply by not hurting any other country, nor by being a peacekeeper. I am in no way claiming that it is a bad idea to do so, of course. But if you see the videos of these riots, look at the guy at the bottom of a mob being kicked and punched until he is nearly dead. That could be the nicest guy you ever met. And he isn't going to be saved nor protected by even the most effective pacifist in the world.

On being fat

Check out this article in The Globe and Mail, on Canada's growing obese demographic. In 2004, 23% of Canadians were obese and 36% were overweight. Average weight for a man is now 82 kg, compared to about 76kg in the late 70s. Women are up to 69kg from under 62kg.

The article is concentrated on the changes that industry is making to accomodate these larger frames, andI couldn't help but think of how this is just encouraging obesity. I have very little sympathy for someone who doesn't fit in an airplane seat because they weight 300 lbs. I certainly have sympathy for the person who is sitting beside said person, though. Though there may be a genetic or even a viral link to obesity, that does not mean a person has no way out of it. That seems to me like having a history of alcoholism in your family, and becoming an alcholic and blaming it on genes. No, it is because you drink that there is a problem. Or perhaps smoking for 20 years, getting lung cancer, and blaming it on your oncagene. No, it is because you smoked.

Same story with your eating and exercise habits, but with a major difference. If you are obese, you are not stuck with it. It requires YOUR willpower to get back in shape. And if you keep that willpower, you are not in danger of relapsing into obesity, or its accompanyinf medical conditions (type II diabetes, hypertension, stroke, and others). For a more complete list, and the correlation between BMI and risk, see here.

Of course, capitalism trumps any wish for a turnaround in human behaviour here. If there is a demand for a chair that hold 400 pounds, and there is money to pay for it, then that chair will be built. I am not trying to stop capitalism by any means, but in this case it seems to be working against itself, not realizing the true costs. The huge health costs for this totally preventable disease will be borne by society. If we want to keep the health care system functional, I think we need to get more into the prevention business. After all, a penny of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

A backup career

Maybe I should have been an accountant.

Does that seem far-fetched? And why I think about being an accountant? Ok, I really have no desire whatsoever to do that. I just like getting numbers for things. Here are some of the numbers I have figured out lately:

-75.99% of my gross monthly salary is accounted for by automatic withdrawls. That doesn't include food, gas, extra minutes on the phone, that sort of thing.

-Today, I lifted a total of about 32 215 pounds at the gym. Geez, I wonder what I would look like if I could do that all at once.

-An Air Mile's value, in respect to earned flights, depends on your carrier. For a standard Air Canada flight it is worth somewhere around $0.18 - $0.30. That definitely makes it a better deal to get my $0.075/L discount at Superstore then to go to Shell for Air Miles (not to mention Shell's not-so-stellar human rights record).

-I have consumed 5kg of peanut butter in about 5 months. That is a little under 32 000 kcal, just in peanut butter.

So now you know some more useless numbers. Maybe I will just stick with my current job and do the calculating in my free time....

Ye Olde Times

Holy crap...it's 2005 already? And almost 2006??? Where did all the time go? I guess time flies when you're....when you're... What am I doing again, exactly?

I remember younger days. Days when I thought that the Dodge Stealth was THE car to have. Days where I didn't need technology to entertain me, but when I did it was Police Quest on the computer, with its small grey rectangle with a little blue bar across it representing my police cruiser. When the important decisions of the day related to whether or not to wear a toque, because it was cold, or not, because maybe it wasn't "cool?" I remember one of my all-time favourite lunch-hour and recess games, Wild Snides. I certainly wouldn't care about a 8:1 male-female ratio, because girls couldn't stop me in Wild Snides so what good were they to me anyway? My most important money decisions involved slurpee vs. mars bar when I went to the Happy Mart. Anywhere I needed to go, and everywhere I could imagine going, was within biking distance. My Christmas list was at least 20 items long - I KNEW what I wanted from life, and that was The Wheel remote control car. Lollipop park behind my house, hiding in the "lollipops" like they were spaceships.

No, this post isn't going anywhere. No grand conclusion here. I just hope I am doing things now that, when I look back in ten or twenty years, will seem just as good as my last twenty have been.

Number crunching

There are only three places where I go nearly every day. These three consist of my room, my work, and the gym. Since these are the places I frequent, I thought I should do a quick head count to see what I could come up with in regards to demographics. And this is what I found:

My place - just me
My work - 9 males, 2 females
Cardio room - 20 males, 4 females
Weight room - 26 males, 2 females

So altogether, we have a male:female ratio of exactly 8:1. And, I would like to add, the total number of females that meet the two criteria of a) being under 40 years old; and b) likely weighing less than me (at 80kg) equalled exactly one. That brings the ratio to 56:1.

Sure, there might be interesting or even pressing current events going on in the outside world right now. But I couldn't help but write this post about myself. Because with odds like that, I should have a long long future of posting here, with no female to interfere with my time.

Note: Yes I DO have a girlfriend, and yes it is all going great. Just observations, that's all. And everyone is always wondering why I have a long-distance girlfriend...

Fans in the east

Well, I figure Winnipeg is east, anyway. And that is where I gathered with several other Eskimo fans and one person cheering for Montreal just to spite us, to watch the 93rd Grey Cup game in Vancouver.

After a low-scoring start, this turned into one of the best CFL games I have ever seen. There was much yelling and pizza-eating and beer-drinking and hugging and anguish and joy among us fans. In the end, our Eskies came through 38-35 in OT. I knew you had it in you.

A penny of motivation buys a pound of pain

Sometimes all it takes is the smallest bit of motivation to cause me to regret motivation for several days. On Saturday, I had this motivation, and it was in the form of an exercise program. I have never really had an exercise program before. I have had ones that I have designed myself, and seeing as I studied that kind of crap in university you might think I would be able to create a good program. But the thing about that is, designing one's own program is the best excuse for changing/shortening it mid-workout. "Oh yeah, I know I said I have 2 more exercises, but I don't feel like it. And since I am the designer, what I decide will be what happens." But the program I just started was designed for a friend's brother. And it is crazy.

So on Saturday I went for Day 4 of the program. After the usual slack warm-up on the bike and ineffectual stretching, I got into shoulder exercises. There is very little rest time, and I am already tired after the first 3 exercises.

After that, it was straight on to legs. Now I have just finished 3 sets of squats. Lowering myself down so slowly and taking no rest at the top makes for a very empty-looking bar compared to my usual poorly performed reps, yet I am sweating hard and getting worn out. My legs are trembling slightly. And after that, I have 3 more sets of squats with my feet set wide apart. At the end of each set I can feel my own muscles pulling on me, and my sight becomes ever-so-slightly blurred as I crash the bar back down off of a bent-over back onto its supports.

I feel like I am going to be sick.

On to lunges on the Smith machine, one leg at a time. Now I don't just want to leave the gym, I want to lay down right there and die. As I make a trip to the water fountain after a set, my knee buckles and almost lets me fall. If I had made this same crazy program myself, I would definitely conclude it was foolish at this point and call it off. But I have that little piece of paper telling me I have to do more.

So I load up the leg press with what little weight I can do at this point. After every set, I writhe for a few moments in the agony of the acid overwhelming my legs and the fact that I am destroying my own muscles. My eyes cringe shut and my teeth clench. I think that there are others in the gym, those who are going half-speed, who think I look ridiculous. But I barely even notice anyone around me, preoccupied by shaking legs and Rise Against screaming in my ear.

After a painful finish, I take on the hamstring curl machine. The backs of my legs had been left somewhat unscathed; now, they are taking an equal beating. I finish that and find myself hoping that there is someone on the squat rack so I can't do my next exercise. Despite all odds, it is still free so I move on to deadlifts to further destroy my hamstrings. I put almost no weight on the bar, but find that I can barely stabilize my back. Time to move on before I do some long-term damage.

Now I get to target those same stabilizers. I walk as upright as my legs will allow to the stretching room, pulling out the abs ball to start on crunches. When I can't do any more, I slide off the ball onto my ass, hitting lightly against the wall. I close my eyes for a second. My legs still burn. When I reopen my eyes, I look at my legs and they aren't where I thought they were. My left leg is bent with my knee up close to my head while my right leg is sprawled out and to the side. I can feel them so accutely, but I can't even really tell where they are? I wonder for a moment if that is what it would be like to have them amputated. And I think that's probably not the first thing I should ask someone with no legs.

Now reverse crunches. V-sits. I am certainly not feeling very good. Why am I still doing this? Because that little piece of paper says "V sits. 2 sets. Failure."? Because if I leave it just means I will have to do homework earlier? Why am I really here? What the..? How do I start contemplating life and death laying sprawled out on a gym mat? I think I can get up...yeah, I'm up. Hobbling tentatively toward the locker room. Walking home through the snow drifts is not going to be fun. Thank goodness for little mercies...Tomorrow is a day off.

The Public...Works?

Check out this article. It is on the subject of the federal Department of Public Works, which has essentially just issued a moratorium on the hiring of white, able-bodied males. Discrimination with the goal of eliminating discrimination? Doesn't sound like a solution to me. Hopefully they don't do the same with my department, we wouldn't have anyone left.

Thank you Justin for the link.

Team Update

An important update on the Superfriends of JC Brown:

Starting players "T-Money" Taylor and "Strakattack" Strachan will not be facing criminal prosecution for their role in the events on the eve of the dodgeball tournament.

Just to remind you, the two players were apprehended by hotel security in the hotel pool after-hours, having crawled down the waterslide (since no water was running down it) and having sunk several empty beer cans to the bottom of the pool. They espcaped from security after a brief encounter, and fled into the area surrounding the hotel (at approximately 3am). They then called Yours Truly for assistance, including bringing them shoes and a shirt. They returned to the hotel room, but we were awakened an hour later by four members of the city police department. The young and slightly inebriated men were finally persuaded to wake up after some physical prodding by the officers, and taken away in 'cuffs. The police listened to their story and decided that charges were not necessary. The security guard insisted, so the case was passed to the Crown for review. News came today that the Crown has thrown out the case.

All friends of the Superfriends, rejoice!

America is funny

This was found at www.satirewire.com. It may contradict any support for the US that I may or may not have been perceived as showing in the previous post. And it is awesome. And hopefully I am allowed to show it to you.

AMERICANS ANNOYED BY "ALL THIS
INTERNATIONAL SHIT" ON INTERNET
Web's Increasingly Worldly Flavor Threatens Americans' Worldview

PULLMAN, WASH. (SatireWire.com) — The profusion of international news available on the Internet has made it increasingly difficult for the average American to ignore the rest of the world, a trend researchers say threatens Americans' long, proud history of disregarding anything not about them.

"With all the foreign newspapers and multi-cultural sites, the Internet is making it almost impossible for the average American to remain uninformed and apathetic," said Samantha Lessborn of Washington State University, which conducted the survey. "Americans can still do it. But it now takes effort, whereas before it was as easy as turning off Tom Brokaw whenever he said 'In South Korea today...'"

According to survey participant Danny Grisham, a 22-year-old from Cheyenne, Wyoming, it's not just the plethora of international news on the Web that is irritating. "Look, I can get around the news. I just turn off Reuters headlines in MyYahoo," he said. "But even some of the search sites like Yahoo and Alta Vista are available in different languages. Like everybody in the world doesn't speak English. Yeah, right."

"I can see where it's important if we're, like, beating some country in the Olympics or bombing them or, ideally, both," Grisham added. "But if some Colombian drug lord sinks a ferry full of Israeli soldiers in North Latvoania or Serbo-Malaysia, or wherever, and Americans aren't involved, what has that got to do with me?"

Other respondents said they were appalled, not just by the availability of non-U.S. news, but by the way important U.S. news is reported by some of these foreign sites. "Yesterday, for instance, the St. Louis Rams beat the Atlanta Falcons, OK, and I go to the London Times site and it's not even there," said Chip Pernadge of Kansas City, Mo. "Jesus, no wonder those guys lost the war and had to give Hong Kong back to Canada."

Sensing a market opportunity, Net Nanny, makers of Net Nanny filtering software, announced this week it will introduce NetNarrow, an English-only product that automatically filters out content that appears to be international. Specifically, the software looks for world datelines and keywords indicative of irrelevant foreign stories, including "Shiite," "post-Apartheid," and "Bob Geldof."

Survey-taker Craig Barker of Brooklyn, New York, said he will be among the first to get NetNarrow. "On the Web, there are so many ways to get news from so many different places, I could really get some fresh insights into what's going on in other countries if I wanted to," he said.. "But I don't want to."

"You'd think these Internet people would know that," Barker added. "I mean, that's why the Internet is called America Online, right? It's supposed to be about America."

Editor's Note: It seems that after reading this entirely fictional story, some investors/customers of Net Nanny believed the company actually was going to produce NetNarrow software. As a result, Net Nanny asked SatireWire to please assure people that this is not the case. No, really.

Copyright © 2000-2001, SatireWire.

Southern Neighbours

This is a very interesting article in today's National Post, entitled, "Sometimes, making peace means making war," by well-known Canadian author J.L. Granatstein. This is the first in a five-part series that will explore myths that Canadians have about The United States, and focuses on the general Candian-held belief that Americans are big bullies who use violent force and never achieve anything, while we go out and use hugs and kisses and blue berets to solve the rest of the world's problems. While I certainly don't claim to support American foreign policy, this article certainly helps to put a more historical perspective on relative success and failure in peacekeeping vs. peacemaking. Perhaps our world achievements aren't all we try to make them out to be.

On a side note, due to the minority government, a major foreign policy review which could have addressed these issues (and which would have led to a review of how our military is used as a foreign policy tool) turned into a small paper hardly worthy of mention.

Remembrance

For those who would trade time with their family for distant lands. Who would knowingly give up comfort for agony. They would trade their happiness for fear. Give up the years of their youth to conditions no man should have to bear. And to those who would rather die than have us live in a wold without family, friends, happiness and freedom. You are not forgotten.

Some light reading

Is it necessary, if one claims or wants to be a member of a religion, to accept all the doctrine of that religion?

Holy crap. I have no idea, really. I was raised as a Roman Catholic, but clearly there are parts of the Catechism that I don't agree with and which seem counter to the morals I have ingrained in me, whether by birth or upbringing. But then, as I read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, I am confused. Mr. Lewis, author of The Chronicles of Narnia and many other books, was a very respected author and professor and was an atheist until he went about trying to disprove Christianity and instead because Christian himself. He says that one must totally accept the religion in all its aspects in order to be true, not only to the religion, but to oneself and to God.

The problem is as follows: He says that man's sense of morality can only come from God, and it is in fact in this way that the existence of a superior being is proven. Every civilization has had similar morals throughout history (though widely varying rules accompanying them). Morals that don't agree with these standards are said to be "perverted." For example, a man who enjoys kicking a dog has a perverted sense of pleasure. It also says a man's love of another man is perverted. Basically, the doctrine of a religion is to support and possibly even enforce these mores. So if I disagree with them, does that make me perverted? But isn't it God who gave me my sense of morality? Did I just screw it up? Or does it just mean that I am lazy? There are only 4 Cardinal Virtues - those of prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude. Does adhering to those seem so difficult? Why this "doctrine" around them? Clearly "Do to others as you would have done to you" is nothing new. But then, ss drunkeness really a roadblock on a path in pursuit of perfection, as the doctrine would claim? Does indulging an appetite, whether for drink or for sexuality, really lead away from God?

I recently read a book on Buddhism. That author also said that in order to achieve the aims of the religion it is necessary to fully embody everything it says. While it is possible to go halfway, you will not get anything out of it. Is this why so many young people are disenchanted with Christianity and organized religion in general these days? Is it because we do not have the motivation or desire to follow it to its ends? Or do we prefer science and what can be proven? Or perhaps we can only see taking a stand against religion as taking a stand, while defending religion is old-fashioned or close-minded or just plain wrong.

So what if I don't want to follow a specific religion? They all claim great things, such as eternal life or nirvana, etc, and their purpose seems to be to show the meaning of life to their followers. But maybe I don't believe it. Or maybe it's just that I don't feel like abiding by all these pesky rules that are required. Maybe I could live "just to be happy," and that would be enough. But probably not. Einstein once called that outlook, "The pigsty mentality," and I am inclined to agree. Should I only experience love so I feel good about it? Should I only serve others so that I can further my own interests? What about beauty and truth and everything else I have a chance to experience - is that just to make me happy? If I determine my standards, the point where I will make a stand, on a piecemeal basis, is that going to make my world better or worse? Or do I even care?

Though books and preachers and bibles and rabbis and monks will tell you what you must do, it all means nothing. Each one of us must decide for ourselves what to believe and how to embody these beliefs, and I don't think these choice can be proven right or wrong. Yet despite never being proven wrong, "what do I believe" still seems to be the most difficult question I can ever put an answer to.

My sensitivity training

SPOILER ALERT
I'm talking about a movie here, so though I doubt I will ruin it for you...you've been warned.

I watched Jarhead last night. The major question that arises for me out of that is, not about war or foreign politics, but, "Why are people in the theatre laughing at parts of the movie that really aren't funny?" I had this same feeling after watching Farenheit 9/11. Clearly there are parts designed to be funny. And I agree it could be considered funny that a bunch of Marines have to build a 5m tall pyramid of sandbags in the rain, and as soon as they finish they have to take it down. Or maybe you may even think it is funny when a young recruit gets his head smashed into a chalkboard. But it a guy snapping from stress and threatening to kill his buddy really funny? Or a guy vomiting because he is surrounded by death - that makes you laugh?

Maybe it is just because these situations just seem so far-fetched, so unbelievable to us living in Canada because we only see that sort of crap on TV. Maybe I am just bitter because I am too comfortable. I am quite sure that people get immune to seeing that stuff, but I didn't think it would bring on laughter. There were a few kids, maybe 10 or 12 years old, leaving the movie theatre in front of me. One was saying to the others that this movie should have been considered a comedy because it was so damn funny. Really? A movie about a war is funny? A bunch of 18-25 year-old Americans sucking on sand and oil for six months while their enemies are fried by bombs and their wives sleep with their neighbours should be a comedy? I'm no psychologist, but are we supposed to laugh at the plight of other people, especially when clearly it is a true story?

I don't know. Maybe I'm just too sensitive.

Pumpkins and Superfriends

Hallowe'en - when else can you dress up in ridiculous clothes, put on face paint, get ridiculously drunk with friends, and beg strangers for candy?

Oh wait...I do that every weekend. In any case, this past weekend was the big Hallowe'en party. The several hundred dollars of entertainment included lights and a fog machine, a keg, bobbing for apples, karaoke and a pinata.

As might be expected, things were broken, pumpkins were smashed, and I sang Take on Me. Here are some photos:




The hosts - and stars - of the show, The Superfriends of JC Brown.




Even (read: especially) the Superfriends need some spiritual guidance.







Gene Simmons would be proud.










Preparing for the pinata swing...after being fed beer with a high-speed delivery device.










The hockey stick swinging heard 'round the world...that pinata didn't see it coming. Ok, I didn't actually hit the pinata, I hit the clothesline made of metal cable and snapped it in two. Oops. End of party.

Hug a tree today

I thought of a number of different things to write about today. The first thing that came to mind was that I went about 20 hours without drinking anything other than beer, and then went for a run today. But that would just make me look like an idiot, so let’s not talk about that. The next was that I made two delicious new meals today, but I’m pretty sure nobody reads this blog for recipes. Or maybe the fact that I talked to my great-uncle last week and he imparted all sorts of good life advice. But that is too important for my tired brain. So instead, I will tell a story about someone else.

I was working with this guy just over two years ago. He was probably a few years over 30, skinny guy just under 6 feet tall, in great shape. He may not have looked like a guy you would be worried about if you had a fight or run from him, but when he opened his mouth you knew he meant business. One day he came into work and told us what had happened at his house the night before.

We will call him Al for the sake of the story. So apparently Al had parked his truck, a not-so-impressive old Dodge, in his driveway and gone into the house as he does everyday after work. By about 11pm or so he was gone to bed. Shortly after, he heard some noise outside. Certainly not being the type to wait around a corner with a frying pan in case someone came in the door, he went outside to check it out. There, having just broken into his truck, was a soon-to-be very sorry young man. The kid saw Al coming out the door and tried to make a run for it, evidently having determined he was not going to drive away in the truck before Al got to him. Little did he know that this older man was certainly not letting him get away. Al caught the kid and tackled him. The kid wet himself. He was begging that Al not call the police or his parents. So Al, being the sympathetic type that he is, decided he wouldn’t call anybody right away. Instead he gave the kid a choice. Either the kid would stay in Al’s front yard all night, or he would call the cops. So the kid said fine…he would stay in the yard. Al drags the kid back to his house, pulls some equipment out of the basement, and somehow CHAINS THE KID TO HIS TREE. I mean, serves him right, the kid actually chose that. But he actually chained him up, put on a lock, and went in his house to bed. He woke up in the morning, went out to the tree to the very very sorry kid, unlocked him and let him go.

I can’t say I’m a big vigilante justice guy myself. But I would be willing to bet good money that this particular individual will not be trying to steal any more vehicles.

Better to come

Ok, I STILL don't have the pictures from the obstacle course. And I don't know what's wrong with my profile picture. But on the bright side, I am supposed to be getting internet within a week. On the down side...maybe not. The building I live in is so old, they're sending a tech to check it out and see if I can even get a phone. If I can, my swarms of loyal readers will be able to read much more about my exciting life. I know, I know...you're on the edge of your seats...

Thanks

In honour of our most recent holiday weekend, I would like to give out some thanks. This year, I have more things to be thankful for than I can name or even know. However, I would especially like to thank all of my friends this year.

This was the first Thanksgiving that I can remember being away from my family. In their place I had six co-workers and friends I have made here since January. We went on a “family” shopping trip on Saturday and gathered all of the things we would need for a good meal the next day. On Sunday, after I woke up off the couch in the house where all of them live (and I basically live on the weekends), we had a quick breakfast and prepared the huge dinner. Everyone put in some sort of assistance, except for one guy. We didn’t really expect him to anyway; instead he worked on his forté – entertainment. He set up an obstacle course. Anyway, the rest of us drank a few beers or glasses of wine while we actually managed to prepare an incredible meal. Before we began eating three other visitors joined us, and we all went around the room and each person told every one for what they were thankful.

After dinner we moved on to the obstacle course. I managed to pull lucky number 1, so I was first up. The timed course involved drinking a beer, spinning ten times around a pole with your forehead touching the pole, and then carrying an egg in a spoon for the remaining obstacles. These included throwing a BBQ brush to knock down a can, doing slalom through tiki torches, and crawling under a series of chairs among other things. If ever the egg fell, you had to go back to the beginning of the obstacle. If it broke, you were out. Good times were had by all, and I came nowhere near to winning due to my decision to not shotgun the beer.

So that was my thanks for my new friends. But I also include my old friends in my thanks here, because there is not much that can beat hanging out with an old friend. Since moving away from you all I have seen that sometimes the more important things are the most easily taken for granted. I have also realized that friends are not something you have to lose just because you don’t see them often or talk everyday – in fact it is the real friends who know that this isn’t necessary. So know that you are always welcome to see me here, and please save me a seat when I come by to visit. I’ll bring the drinks.

(Pictures to follow)

Who can sing? And who knew the words?

For anyone who didn’t know, I am taking a French language course fulltime. A few weeks ago, I thought it would be a good idea to learn the national anthem in French, so I asked one of the instructors if he had something on it. He gave me a written copy; here are the lyrics for those of you who don’t know them:

O Canada! Terre de nos aïeux,
Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!

Car ton bra sait porter l’épée,
Il sait porter la croix.

Ton histoire est une épopée
Des plus brilliants exploits.

Et ta valeur, de foi trempée,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.

Protégera nos foyers et nos droits!

Ok cool. Now, I am sure you all know that these words go to the same music as the English version, as oftentimes both languages are used in the anthem. But are the words the same? Is there even one single line that is the same? Not even close. The only part that is the same is the first two words. So here is an English translation of the French words:

O Canada! Land of our ancestors,
Your forehead is surrounded by glorious flowerets!

Because your arm knows how to carry the sword,
It knows how to carry the cross.

Your history is an epic
Of more brilliant exploits.

And your valour, soaked in faith,
Will protect our homes and our rights.

Will protect our homes and our rights.

Whoa. No standing on guard there. No love or glowing hearts, either. But keeping in mind that it actually rhymes in French, of course, it sounds pretty good. And they haven’t worried about changing it for such reasons as its “sexist” content like the English version. In fact the French version is still in original form from 1880. And hey…if it has worked for 125 years, it can work for me.

Two fingers up from The Corporation

Last night, I watched The Corporation. This is a documentary film about what it calls, “The dominant institution of our time.” Comparing it to the dominant institutions of past times such as the Church and Communism, it argues that the Corporation, too, will fall from its position of power.

Well made and logically presented, if a bit long for a documentary, the film features interviews with CEOs, reporters, business and labour experts, and even Michael Moore when he’s not busy harassing Stupid White Men. However, it doesn’t stoop to Moore’s level of harassing people or trying to make them look ridiculous with slow motion shots of prominent members of society getting their makeup done before a live broadcast. That being said, the VP of Pfizer manages to make the company look pretty bad all on his own.

Starting with the legal arguments after the American Civil War that led to the Supreme Court recognizing the Corporation as a living person, we are then led through a series of arguments on how the corporation is, by its very nature (and is in fact required by law to be), driven solely by profit. The Corporation is presented as a separate (and maybe even inherently evil, though not malevolent) entity from the real people that fill its ranks. You can see real footage of the wife of Shell’s CEO handing out coffee to protesters in front of her house, and the massive and violent government response to the people’s unrest in Bolivia over the privatization of rainwater. There is a long section on a study of a particular pharmaceutical hormone administered to dairy cows. I, for one, was happy to learn that this drug was not legal in Canada. Personalities from Nobel-prize winning economist Milton Friedman to Kathy Lee Gifford make appearances. One of the best speakers is the CEO of the world’s largest carpet producing company, who confesses to some rather startling realizations in what he referred to as an “epiphany.” Michael Moore himself is even calm and makes more convincing arguments when he is sitting in front of the camera than when he is presenting his own one-sided productions.

I would rate The Corporation as one of the best investigative documentaries I have seen. The film is thought provoking, and leaves the viewer with a sense that he or she can actually do something to prevent the Armageddon that this crazy world is headed for. So if you can take a little over 2 hours of your time to learn a little bit more about the world around you, I would recommend checking out The Corporation. It has certainly made me think twice.

No advertising fee was paid by The Corporation or any of its subsidiaries for this review.

The Injured List

An update to our friend Paul, who was injured in the dodgeball tournament:
They took some x-rays of his hand and finger. The doc said it was ok and was just "extensive soft tissue damage." She would get a second opinion, but told him to keep moving it to maintain mobility and function. That was monday. On THURSDAY they called him up and told him it was indeed broken. "You haven't been moving it, have you?" Oh no, of course not. Except you TOLD him to. So he went in to get a cast. When he got there, they decided he needed another examination. All the swelling had gone down and the pain had started to subside, but...not anymore, after this doctor got to it. Now the swelling and pain are back, and they think it is dislocated, the third diagnosis of the same injury. So he has a half-cast. And everyone's faith in doctors...going downhill.

A Ball Dodged

My adrenaline is flowing. My heart is pounding in my chest. My mouth is achingly dry from breathing so hard. My legs are shaking with anticipation of the whistle blow. And I’m wearing yellow panties over my spandex pants. This can mean only one thing – DodgeBall Blast 2005!

DodgeBall Blast 2005 is the first annual Dodgeball tournament held in Brandon, MB on Sept 16-18. Sixty-nine teams from Manitoba and Saskatchewan played, including my team of 7 players and one coach from Winnipeg, “The Superfriends of JC Brown.” This name was coined from a couple of garage-sale paintings that depict a Black Jesus, in the house of 5 of the members. Now, the reason I should have gotten a veto is that we got a black Jesus, complete with thorns, silk-screened on the front of our shirts. Perhaps if we were a church group, or if members of the team even cared about Jesus, it would be ok. Anyway, the rest of our uniform managed to be bright enough that nobody even made a remark about the shirts. And people thought JC Brown was a good friend of ours who couldn’t make it to the tournament. So, enough about that.

Back to the story. The eight of us packed up and took the 2-hour drive to Brandon after work on Friday and checked in to the hotel that was directly connected to the Centre where the matches would be taking place. Unfortunately, not all of the team would be able to spend the weekend there. After several drinks, most of the team went to bed that evening. Two players, however, decided it would be a better idea to go swimming in the hotel pool, which had closed 3 hours earlier at 11pm. I got a phone call from these same guys just after 4 telling me they had been apprehended by hotel security but had escaped, and were now outside several blocks away. One of them had no shoes and was wearing only a garbage bag for a shirt after the security guard had pulled his shirt off as he tried to escape. So I got up and walked a few blocks away to bring them clothes and shoes. They went back into the hotel soon after I returned. Just before 6am, though, there came a loud knocking at the door. I woke up and opened to door to see 4 Brandon Police Officers staring me down. I even happened to know one. That didn’t help a lot, though, as the 2 guys were hauled off in ‘cuffs. Luckily they were released about an hour later and stayed in a hotel across the street for the remainder of the weekend. (Looks like they probably won’t be charged.)

Despite the situation that night, we still showed up to play our first-ever real game of dodgeball on Saturday morning. We quickly dispatched with “El Big Cajones” in two straight games in a matter of minutes. Coming back later in the day, we may have been a little over-confident as “One Nuts” quickly won the first game of our best-of-three series. We recovered and managed to take the second game, but they poured on the pressure and took the last game, putting us out of contention for the “A Pool” and knocking us down to “B.” We were a beaten and rejected team that night, but hoped for redemption later in the night in the first game of the elimination round. It was somewhat disappointing, then, to learn several hours later that our opponents called in to forfeit, likely because they got in the popular hotel bar and didn’t want to leave. So we would wait until Sunday for our next game. We also learned at this time that we had won the best uniform prize, for a smooth $250. “8 Chix and 2 Dix” took the prize for best team name.

Not having learned from the previous night’s escapades, the team again found itself in drinking establishments Saturday night, and some drama ensued, but nobody ended up in handcuffs so I guess it could be considered a success.

Sunday morning, we showed up to play. This time is was important, since we were playing a good team this morning. “The Snake Eaters” from Shilo, MB, were highly interested in taking down their colleagues from Winnipeg. We were on our game, though, and took them out of the game and the tournament in two close games. This set up our quarter-final against “The Pylons.” We may have been fooled by the fact that this team had girls, because we got our butts handed to us in the first game of the series. We came back to win game 2 without much problem. Into game three, and after several minutes of close play it came down to a one-on-one showdown with Rob “Big E” Evers making the hit for the Superfriends. We then took out "The Oddballs," propelling us into the “B Pool” Championship.

With the fans in the bleachers, three TV cameras set up, two play-by-play announcers mic’d up, and theme songs playing, the “White Trash Elite” and… some other team, took the floor for the “C Pool” Championship for a chance to win back the $160 entry fee. As you may guess based on the fact that I don’t even remember the other team’s name, “White Trash Elite” took it in quick fashion. This was just a warm-up for the “B Pool” Championship, featuring the “Double Decker Marlins” and the “Superfriends of JC Brown” in what may have been the most exciting match of the tournament. Two teams of grown men, both playing for their pride, honour, the title of Champion…. and the $1000 prize. The format was changed to a best-of-five series for the finals. We walked out of the tunnel to “Danger Zone” and wooed the crowd with our flashy uniforms and dashing good looks before hitting the court. We were caught early by The Marlins’ solid strategy and good skill in catching, which knocked our players out and brought theirs back into the game. They took game 1, which also featured Yours Truly taking a bit of a tumble trying to avoid a ball, sending me up in the air before landing me flat on my back, slippery banana-style. It was clearly impressive, because the crowd went “Ohhhhhh!” and the announcer did the same before commenting on it. In game 2 we kept the throws down low, out of catching range, and worked on breaking down their systematic strategy. We managed to win the game, tying up the series. We again got sloppy in game 3 and the Marlins made us pay, winning with several players remaining for their team. It was now “do or die” for the Superfriends, and we kicked it up a notch winning a long and close battle in game 4 to force a final game for the Title.

This game was a long one. I went off early after being hit in the foot on a good double-toss by two of the Marlins, but after a catch by Cosmo Longo of the Superfriends (yes, that’s his real name), I was back on the court. We battled hard, and the number of players on the court was whittled away slowly but surely. It came down to two-on-two before my teammate was taken out in an attempt to make a catch. I ran forward and took out the assailant, bringing it down to a one-on-one for the victory. Our coach called a time-out to slow it down for thirty seconds. I needed a quick break. Unfortunately we had no waterboy, because the combination of high adrenaline, sweating and heavy breathing had left me a very hurting unit indeed. It was legal to make a substitution during time-out, but I told the coach I was good to go, so it was back to the court to wait for the final whistle of the game.

And…. the whistle blows. I have 3 balls on my side, and he has three. I place one at the back so I could retreat if necessary, and carried the other two forward as he, too, approaches the centerline. I put one down near the halfway mark in case I will need it. He goes for the kill but starts to lose his grip and holds up. I make my throw. It is hard and low, but not directly on target. He moves too quickly and avoids it. Now I am naked, no ball for deflections. He is armed, right at the centerline, and I am only a few meters back, wanting to move farther away but not wanting to move too far from the ball I have placed there. I cannot lean over to pick it up, as that will leave me exposed to his throw. All this goes through my head, but it is only a second before he makes his strike. It is just above knee-level, and moving…. left. I dodge right and the errant throw smashes into the barrier at the rear of the court. I am off-balance from the dodge, but I make my move before he has time to move back and get another ball. I snatch up my ball and take two quick steps toward the line as he backpedals. Not slowing, I let fly. Panic hits the instant it leaves my hand. Too high. It is going for his chest. His hands move up to make the catch, but it is not directly at him. It is slightly off to his left side. His body rapidly rotates to take up the inertia of the ball… and it is in his arms… but it is too much!! He is completely turned around and falling as I see that he cannot handle the throw. I see his arms cradling around the ball that has already left them. The ball strikes the ground several meters behind him and we are Victorious!! The team runs to the court. The thing I remember most clearly is holding up my arm with my finger showing “number 1” while lifted up in a big bearhug, and thinking THIS is why people play sports.

The “A” Championship featured “Ranal Ape” and our nemesis “One Nuts.” After losing the first two, One Nuts came back for the 3-2 victory and the A Pool Championship with its $1000 prize. In a little twist, the organizers decided to feature a game with the “A” and “B” Champions facing off against one another for a “Golden Dodgeball.” Our chance for retribution…. but it would not come. They again took us down 2-1 in the best-of-three series. In game 3, one of their guys caught two balls within one second of each other. Impressive.

So, having won the most prize money and setting the bar in terms of uniforms for subsequent years, we headed home. With sore elbows, knees, shoulders and one likely broken bone…. wearing capes and tights, blue hair and face paint…Clearly, this is what Champions look like.

For good reason

There is a reason that society is not pure democracy. Some individuals or groups are given a form of "veto power." One such example is when people wanted gas taxes taken off because the price went up. Well, that would be great, except then their would be no money to fix the roads and you would have no incentive to get rid of your '74 Pinto.

Another reason there should be veto power is that people in their mob-mentality-induced decision-making processes are bound to agree to anything. A person, in this case myself (natutrally), should have the power to veto a group decision. "This case" happens to be the uniforms for my dodgeball tournament this coming weekend. And I will post pictures when I return - you will see what I mean. Anyway, dodgeball tournament with 92 teams this weekend in Brandon. Cool.

One Side of the Conversation

A dramatic re-enactment of my half of two conversations yesterday:

I. Registries

"Hi, I’m from Alberta and I need to get a Manitoba Driver License.”

“Sure I will keep the airbrakes. If it doesn’t cost extra, I guess.”

“I have to renew every year? Yeah, I heard that. In Alberta it’s like every 5 years or something. Guess that makes it more expensive here.”

“I have to register my vehicle every year too, right? For $99? Whoa. This is adding up.”

“Nope, I’m not going to smile for my photo.”

(“Man, I have to renew this every year? It just looks like a piece of laminated cardboard! Totally a rip-off.”)

II. Insurance

“Hello, I need to get Manitoba insurance please.”

“Ok, I can get them to fax that stuff.”

“’96 GMC Sonoma. Regular cab, 2-wheel drive.”

“And I’m a 24-year…oh, you don’t need to know that? You don’t care if I’m a male?”

“No, I live right across the street. Don’t drive to work.”

“Oh, I have to get my vehicle saftied too, hey? Some more money down the drain.”

“I was over at the Registries, looks like this could be costly. How much for the insurance?”

“What? For 6 months?”

“For a YEAR?”

“…”

Right. So with all the extra charges I have to pay, including a safety inspection and registering my vehicle and renewing my license each year, I can get insurance with the same coverage and a LOWER deductible ($200) for approximately…55.5% of what I paid in Alberta. With the same deductible, it will be 50% of the cost.

Strange. It’s government insurance. I guess communism DOES work sometimes.

Well, works for car insurance anyway.

Then again, I worked at a rehab clinic for people who had been in collisions. I probably should have known all along that insurance is a scam. One of those scams that you definitely should buy into.

Random funniness

I had to laugh at the oil companies, whose signs at gas stations do not fit enough digits to display how high the price is. Stupid oil companies.

I also have to laugh at Tim "Who says I'm on the side of the oil companies?" Jacek, who said that the price of gasoline at the pump is a direct reflection of future predictions of the cost of production, because on the highway in the middle of nowhere I got it for $0.99/L when it was $1.10/L in the city. Of course, it's $1.19 now. But $1.09 outside the city.

I laughed at my buddy Paul, who went to Florida a few weeks ago. He pretended at one point to be a Florida Panther. He even got a whole box of business cards printed up, with his name and a Panther logo and whatnot. So he could get into some big bars and parties, where everyone thought he was a high roller. But then, thinking he was a high roller, he had to buy them $20 drinks all night before retiring to a) the girl's house; or b) his $20/night hostel. Crazy man.

Next time, I will try to post the funniness that is a "Social," which is a Manitoba tradition of having a party in a hall or an arena or something before a wedding, to try to raise money for the wedding. It costs money to get in and there are draw prizes for such things as "ExH Agricultural Products" baseball caps and a turkey temperature probe. Very hick. I have some pictures...soon. HEY, at least it's more interesting than DST. Bye for now.