Dibs on the Crazies

And when I say Crazies here, folks, I'm specifically referring to the majority of the human race. No, not the Chinese. Females.

My good friend Jeff takes credit as my friend who attracts the most, and the craziest, of the Crazies. Read the blog called "Crazy [Dancing] Girls" back from May and you will have a good general impression. However, I would argue that he merely does not realize in time when he has come in contact with an exceptionally crazy Crazy (resulting in aforementioned funny stories, and no harm to me, so keep it up). I am sure I would meet just as many Crazies if pursued relations with them. My example is thus:

Several months ago, I went to a new financial planner. He managed to completely screw up my taxes and lose me money, but that's not the point here. The point is he had a secretary, who obviously wanted me (obviously all girls want me, so this was just perpetuating that truth). They also happen to work in the same building as I live in. When I was gone for a couple of months, she slipped the following letter under my door, edited only for length and privacy of the author:

Dear Matt,
Holy Bowly...you were right again! (This is my small way of avoiding saying I'm wrong as usual).

Mr. M has every intention of apologizing to you in person. He feels terrible for his continuous oversight on your tax return (blah blah...more stuff about my taxes)

Did I mention that Mr. M feels horrible and YOU WERE RIGHT...would it help if I said that I slid this under your door naked? Didn't think so...I would have slid a bottle of something under the door if it would fit or wouldn't get stolen at the door (those carpet installer bastards having been making such racket all week! And they look like drinkers or dinkers after dipping in the sauce).

I know you are heading back to Portage Sunday sometime, call me during the weekend if you have any burning questions, I should be home Saturday evening @889-xxxx. I would be most happy to answer any questions that you may have regarding this most disconcerting situation...not that I'm the person to ask or anything!!!!

Take care,
N@

And then she even attached her business card to it, in case I wanted to call her at work or email her I guess. Or, more likely, since I didn't know her name. So, not only was it totally unprofessional of her to send me a letter making fun of carpet installers (or, more importantly, to screw up my taxes), she totally offered herself up for a Saturday evening.

And therefore, by actually saying she wanted me (which is always assumed), she joins the ranks of the Crazies. Awesome.

Style, Utility, and Futility

style Pronunciation (stil)
n.
1. a. A comfortable and elegant mode of existence: living in style.
b. A mode of living: the style of the very rich.
2. a. The fashion of the moment, especially of dress; vogue.
b. A particular fashion

u·til·i·ty Pronunciation (yoo-til-te)
n. pl. u·til·i·ties
1. The quality or condition of being useful; usefulness.
2. A useful article or device.

fu·til·i·ty Pronunciation (fyoo-til-te)
n. pl. fu·til·i·ties
1. The quality of having no useful result; uselessness.
2. Lack of importance or purpose; frivolousness.

The main question here is - Do I have style? This will be explored through two main examples - two items, in fact - on which large (by my standard) quantities of money were spent last week.

Exhibit A.
This is the first item we will be bidding on...er...um...talking about. Not the ruggedly handsome man in the picture, but the suit. See, I didn't have a suit until last week. A 24-year old man, supposedly responsible and respectable and all that, and I didn't even own one suit. So I got this one.

Now I'm no expert, but I would say this is a decently stylish suit. It's no Ralph Lauren, but it certainly gets the job done so that I can fit in to all but the most formal occasions.

That being said, it will be of minimum use overall. I certainly won't wear it to work, I have a uniform. So it will likely get worn only once or twice per year. Even if I wear the same suit 5 times a year for 5 years, that is still a cost of well over $20 per occasion. That's probably almost as much as the dinner I will probably be at. So, in conclusion, good style, poor utility.




Now, for exhibit B.
That is one UGLY-ass canopy.
So I have a small truck. It's pretty good to me, and it is in good shape. But throw a canopy like that on the back, and the style figure hits...hold on...let me calculate....zero. It has a metal roof rack, sliding side windows that don't slide, and the back window seal is falling off. As someone told me so elequently, they expected an 80-year old man to walk out.

But you know what? I don't care. Not even one bit. I was sick and tired of my crap getting wet or covered in snow, and now it won't. So if you don't think it's stylish...I agree. But if you don't think it has maximum utility (with small cost), then you're crazy. And if you wouldn't drive around in something like that...ok, that's fine. I guess that style is more important to you than me. But I'm all about the utility. If I had to return one of these two purchases, it would be the suit.

So now I guess you know more about me. And you've seen my stylish suit and utile canopy. Comment away.

Strangers in the attic

From Tuesday's Globe and Mail:

Graham visit to Arctic island causes icy spat with Denmark
By BRIAN LAGHI

Ottawa — Nobody lives there. It's tiny and frigid, and experts can't even agree on how it got its name.

But Hans Island, a barren knoll in the high Arctic, is now the centre of a full-fledged diplomatic tiff after Defence Minister Bill Graham quietly set foot there last week to the chagrin of the government of Denmark.

Danish officials in Copenhagen issued an official note of protest to Canada's ambassador yesterday after learning of Mr. Graham's decision to plunk down on the island and harden Canada's claim over it.

"We maintain the position that according to the normal principles of international law, that this is Danish territory," said Poal Erik Dam Kristensen about the island, located in the high north between Ellesmere Island and Greenland, which is part of Denmark.

"We would like to maintain what was the modus vivendi, that if one of the parties visited the island, the party notifies the other party beforehand."

Mr. Graham took a helicopter onto the island last Wednesday, a week or so after members of Canada's military planted a Canadian flag there and erected an Inuit-style stone marker known as an inukshuk. Danish officials have also in the past landed on the island, erecting their own stone cairns.

The offshore boundary between the two nations was drawn in 1973, but excluded the island, which lies in the middle of a channel about five kilometres wide.

Mr. Graham's visit was an effort to assert claims of ownership over the island in the wake of a new policy designed to increase Canadian activity in the Arctic to protect sovereignty.

I have just one thing to say about that: It's about damn time.

Canada was basically getting its claims in the Arctic stomped on for a long time, and nobody even seemed to know, nevermind care. Did YOU know that there were Danish soldiers, uninvited, on what Canada claims as its own land? I do believe that could be called called an invasion. Sure, they aren't hurting anyone and nobody wants to live there anyway. But if you had someone move into the corner of your garage and set up shop, you wouldn't be very happy either. This is especially true if it was your ally and supposed friend (Denmark is a member of NATO), and carried guns.

Now, Denmark figures it is theirs just as much as Canada figures it's ours. But that doesn't mean you give it away, or stand idly by while they slowly increase their military presence.

So I say, good job Canada. I am proud that we have made our stand. I am sure there will be more to come on this.

For a far more informative and detailed discussion on this topic, read here.

So much for not making this a place for political discussion.

A lone man on a journey

Sunday:

7:03am - Wake up. This is the earliest I have awakened in 3 weeks. Decide I should record what I do today so I can figure out how much fun can truly be packed into a 13+ hour drive. I'm going to Winnipeg...weeeeeeee. I will record my diary in voice memo.

8:30 - On the road. Had an mp3 CD made for me with 140 songs. Should be interesting to see what's on it.
Now Playing: Dashboard Confessional

8:32 - At the Post Office to get my leave pass stamped. It's closed. Should have done that in the past 3 weeks.

8:46 - On the road. It appears the new addition to my truck has caused my fuel efficiency to suck.
Now Playing: AC/DC

9:44 - Getting...very...tired. Fuel efficiency still sucks.
Now Playing: Britney Spears

10:07 - Can't find my wine gums. Seriously, this thing is only like 50 cubic feet.
Now Playing: Captain Tractor

10:56 - I'm in Saskatchewan. Saskatchewan roads suck.
Now Playing: Dropkick Murphys

11:45 - This is an interesting CD.
Now Playing: Scotty Doesn't Know...from the Eurotrip Soundtrack

12:20 - North Battleford. Stop for gas and food. Fuel economy not so bad (7.72L/100km). Found my wine gums and got some stale Pringles. A good stop overall.
Now Playing: Greenday

1:21pm - I was bored, so for the last 40km, I read a book. Decided that probably wasn't very safe.
Now Playing: Kenny Rogers

1:49pm - Just stopped in Saskatoon for a sandwich. You know, wouldn't want to take it on the road, because that would be unsafe.
Now Playing: Meatloaf


2:40pm - About half done my trip at this point, and my mp3 CD appears to be crapping out.
Now Playing: Tragically Hip

3:25pm - A stop sign on the highway? Can't they afford a few dollars of asphalt to make a curve and put up a merge sign?
Now Playing: Dropkick Murphys

3:55pm - You know what's good? 4-lane highways.
Now Playing: My Chemical Romance

4:14pm - I'm finally in driving mode. Not tired. Not interested in the scenery or traffic except to avoid it. Just driving.
Now Playing: Gwen Stefani

5:18pm - Leaving Yorkton. Just had dinner. Noticed at the Mr. Sub that the lettuce they served was expired - it said on the package. But the bathroom air freshener smelled like Pez Candy, so it balances out, right?
Now Playing: My Chemical Romance

6:06pm - Still have 4 hours to go. My ass is sore, and my sunglasses don't fit very well.
Now Playing: Neil Diamond

6:24pm - Filling up in Russell, MB. Still somehow getting crazy fuel economy...crazy awesome, that is. (7.56L/100km)
Now Playing - Tragically Hip

7:41pm - 200km to Winnipeg. Right on schedule. Brain turned off.
Now Playing - Johnny Cash

8:24pm - My mom just called my cell phone. She thought I would be there by now. Apparently she drives faster than me. Now Playing: Rise Against

9:15pm - I am hitting so many bugs, it sounds like rain on my windshield. It is making it increasingly difficult to see.
Now playing: the radio - The Police

9:45pm - After a sandwich, a sub, a pack of wine gums, 3 bottles of water, a box of Pringles, and 1360km I have arrived safely in Winnipeg. The bugs seemed a lot worse in the city with all the lights glaring off of them. Had to run into the building to relieve myself. Now I am 2000km overdue for an oil change. Too tired to care. To bed.
Now Playing: zzzz...

I (heart) Winnipeg

Here I am, back in Winnipeg. You will be happy to know I am safe, and that I started visibly sweating the second that I walked into my horrible room. How was my journey, you ask? I will fill you in tomorrow.

The Best Medicine

My friends and I...we think we're pretty funny. Other people, not privy to our countless inside jokes...they probably just think we're crazy. Which, from their point of view, seems to be a fair assessment. There are so many inside jokes, which are used again and again usually in a context totally unrelated to the present situation, that it is almost like we have our own language. From Jeff's big head to Kyle's sparks, and there are many more. Today's post will be dedicated to a short explanation of some jokes directed toward myself...jokes that seem to never die.


3. Penis Cat - Penis Cat is a stuffed toy decoration. It was given to my family by someone who is very obviously a prude, because everyone else in the world thinks the thing looks like male genitalia. Seriously, it is slightly peach-coloured, with its rear legs curled up on the side of its body and its long torso hanging down between them. So the mocking started sometime in grade school. One day I spazzed on it and threw it into a deep dark corner of the furnace room where it could never be found. I later discovered that my mom found it and got rid of it. Fast forward many years later, to the year after I have finished university. I have gone on a trip to Australia and some other places, and upon my return I receive a "welcome home" gift from my two good roommates and friends. They found it at Value Village for a couple of dollars....NO! PENIS CAT HAS RETURNED!


2. Girl Throw - I have always been a decently athletic sort of guy. I have played all variety of sports in my life, from soccer and badminton to rugby and hockey. But apparently I never played enough throwing sports. This joke originated one winter day outside of Joff's old house when we were comparing our athletic prowess by heaving snowballs against the side of a mailbox. Well, APPARENTLY, Matt throws like a girl. Of course, this has been hyperbolized and expanded many times since to original occurrence to include such descriptions as me throwing with same foot forward and not even being able to hit the mailbox (a solid 10m away). But yes, this originated in high school...and despite the fact that they have not seen evidence of a "girly throw" since that one fateful day, the joke remains.

1. AT ALL - Ouch. This one can sting. Throw those two words on the end of any sentence directed at me and they are like a slap to the face. Or daggers through my groin. Or like 100 midgets tying me down and tickling me to death. Anyway, this was a joke which I actually had to relate to my friends. I liked a girl who was in a couple of university classes with me. For the sake of anonymity, we will call her Jen Samis from St Albert. So I hung out with her a bit, went to dinner a couple times, watched some movies, etc. On St Patrick's Day a few years back, there was a Phys Ed party at the Iron Horse, so we both went. She brought along her friend, and her friend and I started talking. Well, before she called me a killer of cute, innocent, Afghani babies, she told me how Jen felt about me. The exchange was something like this:

Her: "You like Jen, don't you?"
I: "Yeah, I do."
Her: "She thinks you're a good guy...but she's just not attracted to you...AT ALL."

Owwwwww! That hurts. As if saying "but" in there didn't get the message across clearly enough, she had to go on and explain that I wasn't attractive. And never mind not being a little attracted but not being interested...she wasn't attracted AT ALL. Now is that really necessary? Ouch. Ouch. So anyway, anytime one of my friends directs a comment toward me and adds AT ALL on the end, and I flinch...now you know why.

So there you have the top three long-running jokes directed at yours truly. But hey, I'm sure there are many more jokes that will never die. Hopefully there are more to come, too. We think we're funny...don't you?

The Southport Healthy Lifestyle Change

Part of The World's Problems Solved - Edition 1, Volume II

Here it is folks - in layman's terms and completely free of charge - the one and only Southport Healthy Lifestyle Change. This way of life and eating was conceived by a number of health-conscious individuals in Southport, MB, who found ourselves getting fat off the food we were being fed. If it has basis in nutritional fact, well...that's good. But if it doesn't, it sure seems to work at keeping people healthy and full of energy. I will try not to explain our vague scientific principles, because all that really matters is whether or not it works for you.

Now some of you pessismists out there may think that "lifestyle change" is just a euphamism for "diet." I'm pleased to tell you that this is not the case. This is a lifestyle change because the point at which you must begin is before you even go to the grocery store to buy your food. The first thing it entails is REDUCING TEMPTATION. This is accomplished through a few simple measures on your part - going shopping immediately after a meal is possibly the most important factor here. If you don't have donuts in your house, you can't have a donut for a snack. Do not store food like chips or crackers that you will use to entertain guests. If you should ever feel you need this food for your guests, get it only at that time and only enough for the occassion. Get used to having vegetables for a snack rather than cookies.

The next Southport cornerstone is KNOWING WHAT YOU ARE EATING. This starts in the grocery store. You must look at the label and ingredients on EVERYTHING you buy. Once you know what you're putting in your body, you're a lot less likely to put in crap. You should also get a general knowledge of nutrition (eg. carbs & protein = 4 cal/g, fat = 9 cal/g, alcohol = 7cal/g). Find a respectable site on the internet and it should be able to tell you everything you need to know. Now for some general guidelines as to what you should be reading on those labels and picking up at the grocer's (this is where I may lose some of you):

1) no white flour or enriched flour (should be whole wheat - this includes pasta)
2) high fibre in carbohydrate-rich foods such as breads and cereals
3) very little sugar (this is difficult because manufacturers put sugar in to make it taste good when they make it "low fat")
4) no cookies or cakes or the like to minimize "empty calories" (food that has calories but little in terms of vitamins, minerals, protein or fibre. This includes crap like rice cakes)
5) lots of vegetables and some fruit (reduce potatoes in all forms - baked or as fries or hash browns)
6) plan for some good source of protein for each meal

The most important aspect of Southport is this - MAKING ONE HEALTHY CHOICE AT A TIME. You can turn down free breadsticks at the restaurant. You don't have to have that extra piece of pizza when you are already full. You don't need to drink soda when you're thirsty - have water. You can order house salad with viniagrette dressing on the side instead of fries. You don't need to force yourself to finish every bite - put it in the fridge as a side for tomorrow's meal. Control the amount of alcohol you drink.

A last point is that nothing is expressly forbidden. You can have a piece of birthday cake, for example, as long as you are reasonable and don't have 3 pieces every week. Again, this fits into making one healthy choice at a time.

I guess a sample menu is in order here. You can note that I get the majority of different nutrients at different meals, eg. breakfast lots of fibre and other carbs, dinner lots of protein, but suit yourself in that respect. So this is what I have to eat in a typical day:

Breakfast:

Bowl of Shreddies mixed with All Bran, with skim milk
Two pieces of whole wheat toast with peanut butter and low-sugar jam
1/2 cup of fruit yogurt (watch sugar content)
Glass of milk
Piece of fruit

Mid-morning snack:
Cup of carrots
Water

Lunch:

Whole wheat wrap filled with turkey breast, green peppers, mushrooms, onions, tomatos, lettuce, cheese, and a bit of sauce.
1/2 cup of cottage cheese
Water

Pre-workout snack:

Granola bar (watch for high fibre and low sugar, with fruit and not chocolate) or Bran Crunch crackers
Water

Dinner:

Protein source(whether it be a fillet of fish or a chicken breast or a meat alternative such as veggie ground round) with lots of vegetables and a salad
Water

And there you have it. Hopefully this is of some use to you - or at least I hope it doesn't kill you if you try it. Ask questions or start the mocking...and GO.

The World's Problems Solved! (or: Matt's Obvious Observations)

Edition 1, Volume 1

Today...I think I will solve a pressing world issue. I know I'm on vacation and all, but the world needs me. So here I am, world.

The issue of the day - OBESITY. Seriously, this is a major problem. It increases one's probablity of getting certain types of cancer, diabetes, irregular heart rythms, muscle and joint pain, and leaves local lawmakers feeling like chumps after allowing people to be topless in public. The average weight gain for an american adult is 1.5-2 pounds per year. So even if you're a healthy, strapping lad of 25 years...watch out. That means the average person will gain...uh...um...I've been out of school for a while...a lot of pounds. And don't forget about that freshman 15 you gained because you took up beer drinking and bar food to replace the cross-country team and basketball. 15 pounds of fat means one has consumed 52 500 kcal more than one needs...this is not like an extra rice cake per year we're talking about.

Now, for the solution to the problem. Drumroll, please....STOP EATING LIKE CRAP! Seriously, this is the solution. That's all people have to do. It all became clear in an epiphany-like moment this weekend when a formerly skinny, now not-so-skinny girl, came up to my formerly fat, now not-so-fat friend, and told him how good he looked. I know how this guy eats, because I work with him and practically live with him too. So I know why he lost weight. Which makes it all too obvious why she gained it. So, world, if you want to cut down on healthcare costs and prevent dinosaur-like extinctions due to lack of food in the world, HEED MY WORDS....STOP EATING LIKE CRAP.

"Well thanks, jackass, for your stirring and in-depth insight into a major world health epidemic. But what do I do about it?" Do not fear, ladies and gentlemen. Ah, who am I kidding...no girls read this. So do not fear, gentlemen. In the next edition...more specifics. That's right, folks...the one and only Southport Healthy Lifestyle Change, explained for your use.

The greatest outdoor show on Earth

That's right folks, this weekend began the one, the only, the annual Calgary Stampede. And for the first time ever, I was there.

So what is the Stampede about? Is it about bronc busting and cattle wrangling and chuckwagon racing? Well, if it is, that sure isn't the impression I got. I didn't see a single bovine being or equestrian occurance during the two days I was in the city. What I did see a lot of was: a) cowboy hats; b) belt buckles; and c) parties.

Only during stampede time in Cowtown can they have $15-20 cover charge at the bar, with another $15 to get from inside the bar to on the patio, and still have lineups from before opening at 11am until close at 3am. This is not to mention the $7 drinks, of course, and the $20 to the bouncer if you want to wait less than 3 hours in the line.

There were also a good number of live shows going on. I saw Five Star Affair, a crazy ska-reggae band that includes a trumpet and a didgeridoo. They will be playing again next week on a side stage at Warped Tour, so you should check them out if you are going to be there.

So now that you have the events of the weekend, here are the lessons:
1) Girls look hot in cowboy hats
2) Drinking from 7pm-3am hurts the next day
3) Tequila is the devil's concoction
4) Even when desparately hungry, bar food sucks
5) I think they're called "upside down shooters" for the fact that they might as well turn you upside down and shake all the money from your pockets ("$12? Seriously? Like, 1-2?")
6) Almost any city is better than Winnipeg, but Calgary has awesome music, tons of beautiful girls, and....wait, I think that's all you need for a successful city.

I hope your weekend was equally spectacular.

What I ask of life

I have an awesome job. I love it. I never want to give it up. I would like to be the big boss one day.

I used to think that the perfect girl would be one who would give up what she had and follow me around when my job moves me. I have thought this way for years. I even had a girl who would do that.

Yesterday, my thoughts changed.

I think the perfect girl will be one that will make ME want to give up what I do for her. Or rather, a girl that would be worth giving up what I do.

Life's funny like that. From wanting to be defined by a job, to wanting to be defined by another person. I hope I get this perfect girl, in my new image of her.

But hey...maybe tomorrow that will change.

I'm going to get mocked for this one...

Tonight...I saw Star Wars Episode III.

Yeah yeah, make fun of me for posting about Star Wars if you will. But I thought it was pretty awesome. And there are a whole lot of points that I took out of it:

-this episode has the best light sabre battle ever seen
-you can be the best warriors in the galaxy, but if you don't know who the enemy is you're toast
-whenever the bad guys take over, it starts to rain
-the Force is strong in a very multicultural bunch of people
-even when she's pregnant and dead, Natalie Portman can still be pretty hot

So those are the minor points. But since Star Wars is all about the Force and the Dark Side, the main point to be taken is:

-Love, not anger, leads to the Dark Side

Now how the hell did I come up with that? Simple. Mr Skywalker there turned to the Dark Side because he loved his wife so much and wanted her to survive. And then she loved him so much that she went after him, and died because of it. So now we have a pissed off Darth Vader, a dead Padme, a destroyed race of heros and a Republic in ruins. All because of love. Maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be. If Anakin didn't love Padme so much, the Jedi would still be alive, she would probably still be alive, the evil Empire never would have been created, and the Chancellor/Emperor would have been taken down. Damn you, love, why must you lead to the Dark Side?!

If he would have just been committed to his job like a good civil servant, instead of to his wife, the galaxy would have been a better place...I think I will try to live my life in the way that would have saved the galaxy. I will dedicate myself 100% to my worthy and noble cause, and leave love to others.

One more thing...I hope one day to have half the cajones of a particular little green dude.

Intelligencism

Is intelligencism even a word? Not really. A colloquialism, perhaps.

Anyway, this is brought about by a particular individual that I interact with everyday in my french class. In addition to the fact that he slurps his coffee loudly throughout class time and pretends to know everything about exercise, he also thinks that the French language is stupid. He says so everyday, and is not hesitant to tell anyone that he should be allowed to "clean up" the language. It really makes him angry, and since we began he has clearly lost any initial interest in learning. This view is clearly ignorant, and probably would not be well received by the over 100 million people who use the language regularly. It could also be considered to be ethnocentric. So where does this intelligencism thing come in?

I can't stand this guy. I tell myself it's justified because he is arrogant and ignorant. But if he shouldn't be able to call French stupid, can I ever be justified in calling him stupid? Does he have a choice? Was he born with the brains that he has today, and are they too limited to allow him to see other viewpoints? Or is there something about it that he sees that I don't? Was he raised this way, and so does not have a choice? Am I supposed to be sorry for him for not having an open mind? Should I respect this opinion as any other? Is it right for me to dislike him because of his opinions, when I don't think it's right for him to dislike french? Is my way open-minded, or fence-sitting?

Obviously this is a "slippery slope" argument that could eventually end up at issues such as whether or not humans have free choice and nature versus nurture. So I will jump immediately to my (and therefore, on this soapbox, the most important) conclusion.

I think I am justified in condemning this opinion. Maybe I'm just lucky because I have been given an open mind and a decent serving of intelligence. Or maybe it is because I have always been taught and worked to understand both sides of an argument. Perhaps because I have limited experience in the world I don't have as many opinions ingrained in me. Or maybe it is because I grew up in a bubble of a suburb that I have a more difficult time seeing the folly of the way other people do things. No matter. Have your opinions, of course. But if they are ignorant of others...then I'm probably not going to like you.

"Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth."
--Charles A. Dana

Is that bad?

I haven't been the most upbeat person lately.

I broke up with my girlfriend. I am stuck in a little hole of a "house" that is regularly over 30 degrees. I learn French everyday. So I'm sure you don't blame me.

So last weekend was approaching, and I was trying to think of what could possibly raise my spirits. As luck would have it, a friend (named Strak) had rented out a cabin he claimed was nearby, but other friends had sold him out so now he was stuck with it. He was paying either way, so did I want to come? "What? You mean you're only asking me because your real friends ditched you? I'm IN!"

So off we go on Friday evening, dudes' weekend out with 3 of us. He told me this lake was a couple hours away. Turns out couple = 4. But we have all the food and snacks we could ask for, as well as some good tunes, so nobody's in a big rush. We get there close to midnight, and where do we head? Directly for the hot tub. Nothing like 3 men in a tub. But to make it bearable we brought a bit of beer. How much is a bit, you ask. 108, to be exact. Two 24's and two 30's. For 3 average sized human beings. For 2 days. So...we drank.


We managed to get quite a few of them downrange that night, largely because we stayed up until 5 am. The most interesting event, however, happened at just after 1. Strak's best friend and his wife rolled in around that time, passing through the area heading for a wedding the next day. So they hop in and start hitting their own beer stocks. Next thing you know, new best-friend guy is spitting off the balcony. Unfortunately, Strak's brand new car was there. So he told best-friend guy to stop. In response, friend spit again. Strak told him to stop or he would get him back. He spit one more time. Strak gave him a nice slow 10 second countdown before he would definitely get him back. Friend-guy was calling bluff. So Strak walked down to where the cars were, stood up on the hood of the guy's wife's car, and took a leak all over the windshield. Rather over the line, but hilarious nonetheless. Strak returns up to the balcony and tries to go inside. Wife goes CRAZY and is screaming and telling him he is never welcome at their house again. New-guy is feeling pretty damn stupid for not cleaning the car, since now he has two cars to clean. He does so after wife stomps inside and goes to a room, and they leave before I get up in the morning. Sweet.

Next day we went fishing. I just sat in the boat and drove us around while getting a sunburn. That night we ate more food than I have eaten in months, sat in the hot tub again until the wee hours of the morning, but only managed to finish 90 of the beer. Yes, a sad day, but a proud accomplishment nonetheless.

So if you're feeling down like me, I recommend a dudes' weekend at the lake. Nothing beats it, and since you swear off of beer and chips afterwards it can even save you a lot of money.

Until next time.

Be gentle

It's my first time. All the kids are doing it, so I thought I would give it a try. And seeing as I have nobody to pretend to be interested in my stories and complaints anymore, I can fire them up on the internet and pretend everyone is reading them. Sounds like a win/lose deal to me. I win, you lose. See you soon with a real post.

Matt