Prairie Hot Spots

I had a free weekend. My buddy from here in Winnipeg and I decided we should go meet up with our friends that have moved away. So where would we meet? Why, in the number one party place on the Prairies - Regina, of course.

I unfortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view) didn't get any pictures of our escapades. Therefore, I will have to describe them.

We took the guy's girlfriend's sweet grocery-getting Vibe at 150km/h down the Transcanada to arrive at the hotel by 8pm. The others arrived minutes later, and together we started off the festivities by dining on a few liquid barley sandwiches. Deciding to go to the "cool" Regina bar, the Pump, we set off on foot. A stop at MacDonald's was necessary, where everyone else added to their caloric intake by wolfing down a couple double cheeseburgers each. We made it to the bar to find, much to our surprise, a ridiculously long lineup. In Regina? Seriously, nobody even likes this place, why is the lineup so long? And there weren't even very many cowboy hats. How disappointing. So after waiting for an hour and moving up to a position very near the door, we decided we should go to another bar. The wait in line was highlighted by some drunk guy getting thrown out and yelling at the bouncer, "DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT? HUH? YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT OR SOMETHING?" Ha. Yes, I'm sure that is what he thinks.

We get to the other bar. This is more like what I had in mind for Regina. There is a hot chicken finger-eating contest, a really bad local band playing AC/DC, and some dude walking around with a Viagra skidoo jacket on. After many drinks and some of the guys wanting to fight, we took a taxi to yet another bar. The taxi ride was highlighted by the passengers giving advice to each other on various ways to avoid fathering a child. "Rusty coat hanger!" "Sex her, and then WAM punch her in the stomach!" Gross. I'm sure the taxi driver was impressed. And after all that, he yelled at ME. For closing the window.

And after that, we went back to the oringinal bar. We found it very easy to get in. Just use the "out" door. Near the end of the night, the beer-tub girl was trying to get rid of her beer, so we got 15 bottles for $25. Not bad. Leaving the bar, the seven of us approached one pair of girls. One of the guys said, "Oh man, I'm so wasted, we've been doing coke all day, man!" The girls didn't like that. They started to run. One of the guys ran after them at a full sprint. Those girls ran pretty fast in heels.

It was at this time that we decided we needed Burger King. Tried to go through the drive-thru, without car. No luck. I guess the kid working had served these guys before, and almost lost his job. He suggested we try the MacD's. So that's what we did. Can you imagine 4 grown men jumping up and down on a magnetic sensor, trying to get it to activate so an order could be placed? Believe it or not, that doesn't create a magnetic field of any sort. Anyway, we got in formation like we were in a car, and followed the other cars forward. One guy had his hands on the imaginary steering wheel. Another kept on rolling down the imaginary window and yelling at another guy who was standing on the grass. "GET IN THE CAR, KYLE! GET BACK IN HERE RIGHT NOW." A guy from a car in front of us came back and told us that he was a cop, and that there were police cars already on the way. I guess it is illegal to stand in line. He advised us to leave. We didn't listen. It was about this time that the 14 year-old kid in the window started yelling at us and telling us to leave. We claimed we just wanted food. He said he couldn't give us any. We said we had money and they had food, and we just wanted to make an exchange. He said we needed a car. We said we were drunk. He asked if we had money. We said yes. He told us we should put our money together and buy a car. Smartass. So one guy starts yelling demeaning things at him, and we know we're not getting burgers. So we start to leave.

Just then, some kids who had been watching from nearby got off their bikes. And pulled out a firecracker.

One guy put it on his shoulder and aimed. The other guy lit it.

And the firecracker went flying. Directly through the drive-thru window and into the MacDonald's.

Now THAT is more like the Regina I imagined.