We're all going down

Global warming is real. The atmosphere is heating up and our ice caps are melting and we're probably all going to be living on the islands of the Rocky Mountains in a few years. I know this. I know this because I live in Winnipeg.

Last year, the daytime high was around -30 C at this time. Of course, there was a nice cold wind so we all felt like it was -40 C. In the spring, due to too much runoff, and continuing into the summer and fall thanks to too much rain, the farmers here had terrible harvests. A large number of fields didn't produce anything at all, since they had several centimeters of water sitting on top of them. The ditches along the highway were full.

That was last year. This year, it...it what? It was RAINING this week? That's right, it was raining. And then it got colder and the rain turned to freezing rain. After that, we had a blizzard, but I am hearing that there is not enough moisture around and there could be near-drought conditions this year if it keeps up.

So why do I care? I care because yesterday, for the first time, global warming REALLY affected me. The locks on my truck doors were frozen in place. Crap.

Having very limited resources, I was forced to call CAA to help me out. I have never called them for assistance before (I should have done so one time, but I called Joel instead), so I didn't know what they were going to do. What I THOUGHT would happen is the guy would step out of his gargantuan Ford F-450 SuperHeavyDutyMonster Truck with a teeny tiny little bottle of lock de-icer, give 'er a squirt, and I would be on my way. What ACTUALLY happened is the hero stepped out of his supertruck with a toolkit full of variously shaped wires and bars, specifically designed for breaking into vehicles like mine. So instead of the bottle, I got some kid shoving a wedge into my window to hold it away from the door frame, putting the wire down the space, and holding a maglite in his mouth trying to direct toward the inside lock to see if it was moving.

Well, I must admit, I had not personally used lock de-icer before. Maybe it doesn't work at this temperature. Or maybe it takes a while. In any case, this guy is a professional, right?

No.

After trying for a couple minutes, he blames it on the fact that he cannot see the door lock inside the truck (because the window has a thick layer of ice on it from the freezing rain) so he gives me his mouth-light and gets me to go to the other side so I can see it. "Nope, it's not moving."

"Oh crap," he says, "I'm using the wrong tool." So he goes and gets one with a few more bends in it, and gets back to work, mouthlight and wedge and tool in hand, trying to catch the latch in the door. Another 2 minutes. No luck. "Oh crap," he says again, "I'm used to trying on the other side." So we go to the other side, jam that wedge in there again, and he starts jamming the tool around in the door. Several minutes later, he pulls the tool up, gives it a quizzical look, and exclaims, "This isn't the right tool." So he goes and grabs one that looks mysteriously like the one he had been using before. Ok, whatever, he tries again. No luck. He gets me to hold his light from the other side again. No luck. He asks me what year my truck is, so I tell him it is a '96. He checks his trusty toolbag, pulling out tool #2 again. "If it was one year later," he explains, "it would have been the other tool." I don't care. Let me in.

He tries it again. One way. And then the other way. On the other door again. He clears off the snow from the windshield so he can see inside for the latch. No movement. Back to the other side. No luck. Back to the truck again for his toolbad. Are you KIDDING ME?

After several more minutes without success, he pulls out the wedge (I think he had bent the door panel enough by this point that he didn't need it anymore). Several more tries and there is a satisfying click as the latch moves. He tries the handle, and my very frozen truck door creaks open. Finally. Maybe a half-hour or so later. Serves me right for not wearing gloves.

So, I wonder, why would a CAA guy not have lock de-icer? Must not work all that well. In any case, I had to go to the grocery store, so after 20 more minutes of trying to scrape off the ice (and eventually settling for a small hole in the side window so I could see the mirror) I was on my way. Of course, I had to leave the doors unlocked at the store. I picked up some lock de-icer for 99 cents. How well would it work? I didn't know. After piling the groceries in my truck, I gave it a try.

Approximately 2 seconds later, my key was functional again.

Damn heros.